Touched by loss. Empowered through community.

Moving Forward vs. Moving On

Date: 
Monday, November 12, 2012
Posted By: 
Scott Bauer

Today, we welcome guest blogger, Scott Bauer.  Scott lost his wife, Lauri, to a sudden heart arrhytmia almost two years ago.  Since her passing, Scott, has started a foundation in her name, The Lauri S. Bauer Foundation for Sudden Loss.  The foundation subsidizes various programs including grief counseling and other forms of support required for a physical and spiritual journey of recovery.  Scott lives with his three sons in the northern suburbs.  We thank Scott for his contributions today!

One of the biggest questions that haunts people like “us” is when and/or if we can “move on.”  Maybe more troubling is the question, “should we move on?”  Well, in my mind, the answer is an emphatic “NO.”  And why not?  Because we shouldn’t have to!  But, we most certainly can and should “move forward.”

I ask each and every one of you; why would you want to move on and erase all the wonderful memories you experienced with your loved one?  As painful as it may be, why would you not want to remember something that made you feel so good and was presumably so special?  Sure, the intensity of the hurt, disbelief and shear agony can be completely overwhelming.  But once some of the seething pain starts to subside, even just a bit, isn’t it worth the effort to remember?

What I am really trying to say is that even though many of our dreams were cut short, in some cases way too short, we deserve to live life and experience joy and happiness again.  We deserve to dream once again and feel special and loved.  This certainly sounds way too easy but isn’t it worth any and all effort it may take?  Isn’t it worth trying to fill our hearts once again with feelings of goodness?  You may be asking yourself, “How can I possibly get over the despair and grief I feel and move on?” The answer is:  YOU DON’T HAVE TO.

Instead of moving on, why not try to move forward?  Moving forward is not a linear equation.  The process will not be an easy one and will most certainly not happen quickly or without setbacks.  But, you owe it yourself to try.  You owe it to yourself to reclaim your life and live it.  Don’t you deserve it? 

You will never again have what you once had, nor should you look to replicate the life you once had.  You cannot replace the loved one you lost or the life you lead together.  But why can’t you be happy in a different way?  Why can’t you laugh, smile and even cry in a different way?  This is all the process of moving forward and NOT leaving the past behind.  Certainly this is no easy path, and you can probably go as far as saying it may be a most difficult one.  But for one minute, think selfishly – it’s OK.  YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY.  So try to think not about moving on, but moving forward, little by little! 

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Love this!

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